Marriage was one of those things that you dream about since you’re five years old. Every time you would lie in your little twin bed and stare at the light colored ceiling at night you’d get butterflies in your stomach and you’d end up squeaking and making noises similar to that of a baby kitten. You’d play dress up and demand all the little boys to be your husband and they’d all run away and go play cops and robbers instead. When you were a teenager and you would lie in your full bed and stare out the window at night you would get those little twinges in your chest just thinking about this person or that person. You would wonder if they were looking at that same little reddish star right above the chimney of your neighbor’s house and if they were thinking of you. And when you were a young student lying in your unfamiliar bed and staring at the posters on your dorm’s walls you would just sigh and smile and wonder if that day would ever come.
When the person of your dreams proposed to you on the shoreline during the prettiest sunset and slipped the little ring onto your fourth finger and lifted the veil from in front of your face you hid the little tears in your eyes and said “I do,” and he smiled and repeated your words and kissed your lips and it was the best moment of your life.
That day came and it went. Such is life.
Death was one of those things that you’re scared of since you’re five years old. When you were smaller than the kitchen counters and walking around your parents’ house you’d ask them “Where did Spot go?” and they’d answer with “He’s up in the sky with Mr. Whiskers, sweetie,” and you would feel sad but you wouldn’t understand. When you were a young teenager and you couldn’t quite reach the top shelf even if you were on your tiptoes and you had one earbud jammed in you’d ask your mom “Why are you crying?” and she’d whisper “Your nanna’s gone, sweetheart,” and you would cry along with her. When you were a young adult and you had to stand on your toes to reach the calendar on your dorm wall and you walked by your messy desk you picked up your ringing cellphone and asked “Why are you calling so late, dad?” and he’d choke out “Your mom died today, baby,” and you’d sit down and hold your phone to your heart as if it held her spirit inside the screen.
When the person of your dreams proposed to you on the shoreline during the prettiest sunset and parted from your smiling lips and let go of your hand and started walking along the beach again you watched the most wonderful human being trip on the slippery coastline and fall into the water and watch that beautiful face collide into the sharp rocks and cringe at the red-tinted surface and all you could do was stand there completely breathless and all alone.